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Can you have sex in skyrim

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I would understand if these mods were buried in the depths of sketchy foreign file-share sites shrouded in spyware and silence. But users swap fictional sex stories the way other players swap tales of slaying dragons.

Ripped middle-aged warriors proving irresistible to coquettish Cyrodiil schoolgirls, midget heroes having rough sex with their giant hermaphrodite allies, foursomes with ancient zombified warriors, a woman in the skin of a slaughtered bear having sex with an actual bear -- all these and more regaled like a bro at the bar bragging about his latest conquest to resounding applause from his bro brothers.

In another age, these people would have gathered at the local gentlemen's club and discussed the merits of the new Tijuana bible about Little Orphan Annie getting a boob job and a fist up her ass.

LoversLab Spoiler alert: The "hidden contents" are pictures of naked, dead-eyed automatons. These are not just people who want to see frost trolls get dicks.

These are people who will stay up until the wee hours debating the appropriate contours of the dick and whether it ejaculates enough semen for a fictional ice monster.

They've dedicated a massive chunk of their limited free time on this Earth to eroticizing a game about shouting at fantasy Norwegians. I went in expecting to find quick ways to make lightning boobs for your amusement, and came out hours later a changed man.

I witnessed an anime-faced girl whose few remaining articles of clothing made her resemble a sexy SS officer give a blowjob to a hellhound in what appeared to be a tastefully minimalist modern apartment, an experience so far removed from the Skyrim I understand that it might as well have been two Martians reading each other love poems.

I gazed too long into this abyss, and it ejaculated on my face. I soon learned that adding sex to Skyrim is like adding missile launchers to your car.

It's technically feasible, but the framework wasn't built to handle it and will buckle under such a precarious weight.

Images that looked sensual became stilted and mechanical in motion, like a computer having a fevered dream of what love is even as it knows it will never be able to experience it.

No amount of care put into these custom animations and textures -- and there are many, many hours of care -- can overcome the basic fact that Skyrim was not built with sex in mind.

It's like trying to bathe in your kitchen sink. It's technically possible, but it was never intended for that purpose. I have never seen a greater representation of the uncanny valley than a hellhound's bulbous penis clipping through the lips and teeth of a girl who's supposed to be uncontrollably aroused, yet whose dead eyes suggest an emptiness that a human being would struggle to comprehend, even one traumatized by the horrors of the concentration camps her outfit suggests she supervises when she's not fellating dogs.

Something behind those eyes is begging for death even through her shell of a body can't comprehend the concept. It only knows, on some fundamental level, that it's preferable to its current situation.

But, as I was still naive, I thought I could make this work. I thought I could tell a story that was amusing, instead of unleashing a dark vision of a future where a dog penis penetrates a human simulacrum's mouth forever.

The ability to give my character testicles larger than his head? Comedy gold. Sexy magic that makes people undress at my command?

Sure, that could be funny. The ability to cast magic from my nipples? Achieve orgasm from riding a horse? Why not! Alicia Painslut, who will fight by my side and orgasm if she takes enough damage, perhaps while on one of many new sexy quests like the daring raid of a sex-trafficking ring?

Sign us up. A new and erotic main menu theme? Hell yeah. The list went on and on. LoversLab Ms. Painslut, who's had 26 major updates and 1, posts of discussion about her since My ambition outweighed my common sense, and I downloaded far more mods than I needed.

But these mods are not simply switches you turn off and on. You have to change the core files of the game to make them work.

I lost an entire workday poring through documentation, FAQs, and troubleshooting guides, and to limited success. The only sentence grimmer than "I spent a day of my life installing erotic Skyrim mods" is "I spent a day of my life trying to install erotic Skyrim mods and mostly failed.

Furthermore, mods can often conflict. Trying to get everything to play nice together, and all within the depths of a file system I didn't fully understand, was maddening.

Sometimes the game simply crashed, like it knew what I was trying to accomplish and refused to be an accomplice to it. After many hours I got the basics working, but like a mad scientist destroyed by his own unholy creation, I came to regret my hard work.

Bethesda Softworks. My idea was to write a story about Throgg, a humble traveler. Just look at him, starry-eyed and full of hope.

Bethesda Softworks See, it's funny because he doesn't match the typical sexual fantasy that drives this community. I'm a comedy writer!

The goal was for Throgg to get into a variety of sexy shenanigans like the hero of a teen comedy. Instead, he found himself in a surreal sexual nightmare, like H.

Giger crossed with the wet dreams of a year-old who touches his action figures inappropriately. Many mods technically worked, but they were pale imitations of the already pale imitations they were supposed to be.

Throgg's erection was merely a green cylinder without texture, like the peg from a child's shape-matching toy.

He thrust in the general direction of his partners' ill-defined orifices but was rarely accurate, instead preferring to penetrate their torsos or nearby air currents.

This was of no concern to his lovers, who played their role in this grotesque pantomime without complaint.

They can speak no objection. Such is not their station. The true horror wasn't the sex but the world I created. Let me walk you through a typical seduction.

Bethesda Softworks Can you guess which option the mod added? Overwhelmed by the irresistible "excuse me, pretty lady," Adrianne immediately quits her previous topic to flirt, which in this context means do what I say.

The voice acting cuts out, because she no longer has a voice. Bethesda Softworks "You are willing to show a gent a good time?

Peachy keen! Escorting her to a private bedroom was an option, but why bother? In Throgg's world, impromptu public sex is just something that happens in between dragon attacks.

Bethesda Softworks "I want to cuddle and trade blacksmithing tips" isn't an option, sadly. Adrianne will agree to whatever I suggest with uncontrollable lust, because she's no longer a character, merely a dialogue tree that produces different animations.

We strip down and embrace. We go straight to having sex on the cold, wet cobblestones, foreplay being as foreign a concept in Skyrim as the jet engine.

After some listless animation our clothes teleport back onto us from the void we had discarded them to, and Adrianne chides me like a stranger.

We are not lovers. We are not even friends. Image: giant squid. Get comfy with video games. Image: bethesda softworks. The meme is dead, but memories linger.

Let's play. Image: Pixabay. Game on. Cue the male-voice choir Do I need a scarf for this particular dungeon?

Darren is no godlike Dragonborn Image: darren from the skyrim romance mod. When you're a lady too godlike to date.

Don't act like you haven't done this. We are the worst of us. Yeah, that's a Master Sword. Let's be real: everything sounds better with an piece choir.

Video: YouTube, Robotboy. Because everything sounds more epic when 80 people sing it in harmony. Global Achievements.

This topic has been locked. Showing 1 - 15 of 78 comments. Shelt View Profile View Posts. Not unless you have the right mods.

Originally posted by Shelt :. Go search around on Nexus. If you can get past the age verification, then I'm sure you'll find what you want.

Here is the link. Jormungand View Profile View Posts. Originally posted by Skyrim Sebbi :. Skyrim is not a real place, so I would say no. Although, you can probably book a trip to Norway for a similar experience :D.

Froman View Profile View Posts.

It seems Nicole ray porn pics that in 1 or 2 cases out of 10 it ends in errors but there is not realy proof. Sign In Now. With the right mods. Is this correct guys. And SWL will show 4x on maximum 4 pages. Trumpology Profil Lisa ann lex Beiträge anzeigen.

Can You Have Sex In Skyrim 40 Kommentare

For instance: some Hot woman for sex of beast races and custom races have "bodyparts" that the game sees as clothing. Globale Errungenschaften. Beiträge: Finde die deutsche Version hier! It's easy! Das sieht Samiazed aus als wenn ich ein.

Can You Have Sex In Skyrim - Beitrags-Navigation

So here is a guy asking for sex mods on Steam that doesn't even own the game. Ich glaube das liegt an einigen nif Dateien und oder an der Tatsache, dass alles was ich schrieb, mit dem creation kit 32 bit kompiliert habe. Sign up for a new account in our community.

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