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Overnight with stepmom part one

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Enable or Disable Cookies. Know that your job is a difficult one and is not taken for granted. Know that child will grow up looking to you as a parent, roll model, or friend, and it is your job to fulfill those expectations as best you can.

Know that, regardless of what people say or do to act in the contrary, there is no right or wrong way to create a family and there is no one right definition of what a family should be.

You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account.

Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Skip to content. As far as a young child is concerned, you are as much of a roll model as an other parent in their life.

Never speak ill of the other parents, especially around the child. When she is much older, if she wants to know the true realities of the situation, she can absolutely be told an appropriate version of the story.

I sat on the floor and played with her, changed her diaper, and gave her hugs, so it was easy for her to start liking me. With any child, baby, pre-teen, teenager, or adult, just be patient.

You have jumped in to their lives unexpected, and depending on their age that might even make them angry. They will grow their own type of love for you.

I forgot. It will come when you think that your child is ready to try a big girl bed, a new toy, a new activity, a change in parenting strategy… whatever, and you will be overruled by grandparents, because they are family.

It will come whether you like it or not and it will be an awful feeling. But with that, all I can suggest is to have patience. Talk to your partner and make sure they allow you to be part of the decisions and make sure they remind people of this.

It made the visits uncomfortable and after almost six months of this I petitioned for visitation rights and a step up plan.

The step up plan was granted and I began having three six hour visits per week with our daughter and every other weekend visits from on Saturdays from The schedule was working well to reintroduce my parenting into our daughters life.

After six months of this we were supposed to step up the visit times from six to ten hours. Mom said that she would prefer to not have our daughter start overnight visits until she turned three and only start when she had her own bedroom.

Her third birthday came around and I had evicted my roommate to give our daughter her own room. I feel like I am meeting her half way on things but she is not meeting me.

Then her grandmother brings our daughter to my house at noon. Grandma picks her up at pm. This happens Mon-Weds.

Our daughter holds onto me and refuses to let go when grandma comes to pick her up again. I think this is way too much traveling around for a three year old and think it would be better if she stayed over on Monday night, Mom picked her up after school on Tuesday night and then dropped her off on her way to school the next morning.

I also want to be able to watch our daughter on Thursday and Friday for the eight hours that Mom is gone. I think better stability would make her happier, but Mom is insisting that her anxiety and apparent stress is my fault.

I think it would be better for our daughter to just spend the night once a week and minimize the transportation on the other nights.

She refused to even pitch a schedule when I asked her what she might like to do to resolve the issue but she then denied acknowledging that our daughter is experiencing stress at all.

Any thoughts?? My granddaughter is 2 years old ,and she and her mother, my daughter, live with me and my husband. Overnites were also given at that time.

Then she looks out the back window at us wondering why we have let this happen. Over and over we have watched and tried to talk to her father about waiting until she was older, or at least knew who he was and wanted to go with him.

Because he had a better attorney than my daughter, she was painted up to be the mother trying to keep the father from his child.

At times, the magistrate would just laugh in court, then let the father have everything he asked for. Child support was cut to almost nothing, which my daughter never even asked for, and he went from being the father who denied the child was his, to the one who controls everything.

He is a very cold person who shows no emotion. After spending the night with him at 8 months old, she quit sitting down in bath tub and hated getting a bath.

That is still going on. My daughter has tried talking to him, but since the court has given him free rein it is of no use.

He started in the beginning leaving her with people and one judge told him if he had to leave her, he was to bring her back home.

I am her grandmother and am here. This is where she lives. He continues each week to do the same as he pleases.

Seems to be doing it just to show my daughter he can. The director in the last parenting class told him he was controlling and not trying to do the best for the child.

It is so obvious. What can we do. We would love for her to have a loving daddy who really wanted to spend time with her and not just count up hours to lower the child support.

His time spent with her has to be very little. We are all so disgusted with him and the judge acts like we are wrong. He is using the system to do as he pleases.

We wish he would just keep his small amount of money and his lies and leave us all alone. I worry that unless the new judge changes things in August my granddaughter will become another statistic in Tennessee.

Would appreciate any imput. Then after baby was born he started filing papers in court. Now, though she is talking quite well, she tells almost nothing.

It is breaking our hearts. I am 19 years old, her father is 20 and My daughter is a year and 8 months. For the first year of her life I her mother would have her during the weekdays, then on the weekends both my daughter and I would spend the night at her father house her father and I have not been together since we found out I was pregnant and he cheated.

It worked since him and I could still get along. Then I followed my dreams and went to college miles away from him. I love living in the country and my daughter does too.

But it made it hard to establish custody and visitation. I have primary custody and made it very clear that I believe that a child needs both mother and father in their life.

If I try to get her to lay down she squirms and bites and flings herself around until she escapes the bed and takes off running. And it makes me sad to see her so distressed.

Resources would be greatly appreciated on dealing with cosleeping breastfeeding six month old against overnights. I am a single father with a two year old son.

We were never married and are not together. His mom demanded I start keeping him over night 2 to 3 nights a week when he was only 2 months old which I thought was crazy.

Two weeks later I find out she is dating and needed time. I believe a ever changing home environment can be worse. I noticed his behavior change in each case.

Of course she denies it. Our 2 yr old granddaughter is in fight for her life. Her father got unsupervised visits. Driving on a revoked license, no current license.

Drug and alcohol history, mentally unstable. No stable home, bed ,or clothes. His current girlfriend just got out of jail on a burglary charge 2 of them.

Than put her in a car of unlicensed driver and no car seat. And Michigan courts find nothing wrong with this picture! My daughter is 6, a has been having court odered visitation for over 4 years.

I try to be positive, and when i mention these concerns to him, he gets angry and defensive. I finally give up and tell her we have no choice, a judge said she has to do it.

So sad and worried. How can i make it easier for her? Hi Everyone. I am a mother in a current custody battle and I came to this site for support.

Try to limit your conversation with them to email and text so you can use it in court. Schedule a few consultations with Attorneys.

Keep your cool. Have an unbiased, non family member witness the child exchange to see what you see.

They can testify in court. As a matter of fact, try to have many witnesses observe on different occasions and use both men and women witnesses, just in case you have a biased judge.

Let them draw their own conclusions so that nothing can come back to bite you in court. Use non friends because they would be considered biased.

Consider hiring a part time baby sitter or nanny. This person is not family and can get to know your child and testify as to what changes they see.

The Internet has a lot of legal information available if you find a credible source. God bless your children. As an attorney who has handled divorces, custody disputes, and every other small town dilemma faced by my fellow citizens…I have read through the above and many of the comments with some interest and great sorrow.

Part of that sorrow is due to how many people seem not to be unaware that they live in the most narcissistic culture of all times.

And the Grand Irony of our narcissistic society? We consistently fail to look in the mirror. A few thinking points on the above topic… 1.

Most Americans from all economic classes are too immature to breed, but do so anyway.

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The following statements and questions are for myself and for all of you living as moms and stepmoms, wives and ex-wives. Some of them make me swallow hard because they touch a nerve and force me to face qualities in myself I need to work on.

I know. You were there first. He was yours. He may have done you wrong maybe not , and you are angry and hurt from the events of the past.

Now, you must send your children, your most precious reasons for living, to be away from you part time.

How could you not feel sad, jealous, worried, and angry knowing that another woman shares her time with them? Who is she? You want to be the only woman they have affection for.

Her relationship with him is completely different than yours. You may hate him and have bad memories; but, she does not.

She will always side with him. Do you realize that your children can love you with all their hearts and still have room to care about her, too?

You can choose to either fight every step of the way and live miserably, or you can choose to be flexible and cooperative. Would you really want the alternative?

Do you understand that the more conflict you cause, the more you will push her to that end? Your kids know who their mother is. You divorced their dad, not the kids.

You will never have peace, be truly happy, or be able to move on until you let your anger and resentment go.

Show your children how to live graciously, how to deal with conflict without stalking, cussing, insulting, resisting, trash-talking, undermining the authority of others, and generally setting an example of bitterness.

I hear you. You just want to be able to live your life without baby mama drama! Shame on you if you ever say or do anything to try to drive a wedge between the kids and their mom.

She is part of them and what you say and do can hurt them. You may not agree with the way she does everything. She may not agree with you. It may feel like you got a free ex with purchase of new spouse; but, you must remain calm in the storm and not let your frustration show.

All you can do is control your reactions and your home. You are another adult in a position to model appropriate behavior to the kids.

Ladies, this is a tired mess! We can put the kids first. We can be the first to extend an olive branch, or at least stop acting crazy.

This is inherently part of the stepfamily dynamic. But there are some ways you can beat back and rise above outsider syndrome, stepmom.

In your early stepmom days, part of outsider syndrome can stem from not having a close relationship with your stepkids.

Get to know them. Find an activity they like and do it together. The more secure we are in our relationships, the less we feel like an outsider in our family.

Make the most of those noncustodial days together. Watching late-night TV with your partner whose love language is physical touch?

Give them a backrub during the show. Do you let your partner sleep in on Sundays and their love language is acts of service?

Bring them coffee when they wake up. Those small but significant moments will create deeper connections that last. The more you dilute the person you were before you became a stepmom , the more outsider syndrome will tear you apart.

Work hard to be the person you were before you met your partner — and the person you were when they fell in love with you. Bring back those wine nights with your girlfriends, those solo trips to the movie theater, and those spin classes you never missed on Saturday mornings.

Do you partner and stepson want to watch a movie together? What the judge award her father is so unfair to my daughter and I wish it could be changed.

Even though he cancelled our wedding and me moving down there where he lives. Just in three days I saw such a change in her psychologically.

She felt as if I abandoned her and just left her. She clearly does, and she clearly felt like I abandoned her. I too would greatly appreciated help with resources.

My baby is 15 months and he wants 5 night 2 night by the time she is 2. I just like to say that there are quite a few evidence-based resources that found overnight visitation impacting positively on minor children in a divorce.

Especially if both parents can maintain the same caring routine, parenting and attachment promoting acitivities. Is it really bad for an infant to sleepover for one night since birth if the non-residential parent maintains regular contact and the same routine?

Just asking the question. I am also going through custody and the father wants overnight all weekend and he lives three hours away. I say we need to move slow, that it will be traumatic for our son.

Can you please give me some resources that I can take to court? Thank you! And I wish everyone the best of luck in keeping there children safe and raised in loving environments!

I do see my 2 year old ratcheting up her acts of anger — throwing tantrums for no reason, throwing her toys at her 10 month old sister when right before the overnight visitation, she would lovingly hug and kiss her sister for no apparent reason.

It is heartbreaking to see the stress my little girl is going through, but what can I do? For every study such as this, there are others that noncustodial parents can cite for their argument.

Like I suspect many custodial parents, I am fighting suits from my soon to be ex husband to allow more overnight visitations for him to drive down his child support obligations.

What can I do, as a citizen of this country to change the way the legal system works, and as a mother? I am frustrated and at a loss.

Thank you. Fathers more often are better care givers then mom, my son refused his mom to change his diapers, I did. I experienced this at a young age.

Peyton father shared alot of information about himself and his parents. He shared with me that his father is a abusive alcoholic drug abuser and that his father beats on peytons dad and his mother.

We have been to court once and we have a temporary order of him getting our daughter for 4 weeks straight from Saturday morning starting from 9 am to 6 pm and Sunday morning from 9 am to 6pm after that he gets overnight visits from friday until sunday 5 pm.

She has only been to his house once out of the four weeks the judge granted. He cancelled most of the visitation. I really need help Dr.

For those looking for resources the Australian Assosiation for Infant Mental Health has a set of guidelines and a research background paper on overnight visitations Also one of the Victorian universities has written papers advising against them too.

I am currently in court process, as my three year sons paternal grandparents have gone there to try have my son overnight, every second weekend, i am refusing overnights, currently have a few day visits to see how my son handles the day visits, then straight back to court.

No one listening to me that my son will not handle overnights. How sad. All girls on here are thinking about themselves. The baby needs a dad too.

Would you guys be mad if the dad says I do not want the babys mom around my baby? Thank god courts are doing the right thing now, letting the father spend time with the kids and doing overnights.

I am a single father and my ex and I have been separated for a year and a half now. The first six months of our separation Mom limited my time with our two year old daughter to once every few weeks and would be present during visits.

It made the visits uncomfortable and after almost six months of this I petitioned for visitation rights and a step up plan. The step up plan was granted and I began having three six hour visits per week with our daughter and every other weekend visits from on Saturdays from The schedule was working well to reintroduce my parenting into our daughters life.

After six months of this we were supposed to step up the visit times from six to ten hours. Mom said that she would prefer to not have our daughter start overnight visits until she turned three and only start when she had her own bedroom.

Her third birthday came around and I had evicted my roommate to give our daughter her own room. I feel like I am meeting her half way on things but she is not meeting me.

Then her grandmother brings our daughter to my house at noon. Grandma picks her up at pm. This happens Mon-Weds. Our daughter holds onto me and refuses to let go when grandma comes to pick her up again.

I think this is way too much traveling around for a three year old and think it would be better if she stayed over on Monday night, Mom picked her up after school on Tuesday night and then dropped her off on her way to school the next morning.

I also want to be able to watch our daughter on Thursday and Friday for the eight hours that Mom is gone. I think better stability would make her happier, but Mom is insisting that her anxiety and apparent stress is my fault.

I think it would be better for our daughter to just spend the night once a week and minimize the transportation on the other nights.

She refused to even pitch a schedule when I asked her what she might like to do to resolve the issue but she then denied acknowledging that our daughter is experiencing stress at all.

Any thoughts?? My granddaughter is 2 years old ,and she and her mother, my daughter, live with me and my husband. Overnites were also given at that time.

Then she looks out the back window at us wondering why we have let this happen. Over and over we have watched and tried to talk to her father about waiting until she was older, or at least knew who he was and wanted to go with him.

Because he had a better attorney than my daughter, she was painted up to be the mother trying to keep the father from his child.

At times, the magistrate would just laugh in court, then let the father have everything he asked for.

Child support was cut to almost nothing, which my daughter never even asked for, and he went from being the father who denied the child was his, to the one who controls everything.

He is a very cold person who shows no emotion. After spending the night with him at 8 months old, she quit sitting down in bath tub and hated getting a bath.

That is still going on. My daughter has tried talking to him, but since the court has given him free rein it is of no use. He started in the beginning leaving her with people and one judge told him if he had to leave her, he was to bring her back home.

I am her grandmother and am here. This is where she lives. He continues each week to do the same as he pleases. Seems to be doing it just to show my daughter he can.

The director in the last parenting class told him he was controlling and not trying to do the best for the child. It is so obvious. What can we do.

We would love for her to have a loving daddy who really wanted to spend time with her and not just count up hours to lower the child support.

His time spent with her has to be very little. We are all so disgusted with him and the judge acts like we are wrong. He is using the system to do as he pleases.

We wish he would just keep his small amount of money and his lies and leave us all alone. I worry that unless the new judge changes things in August my granddaughter will become another statistic in Tennessee.

Would appreciate any imput. Then after baby was born he started filing papers in court. Now, though she is talking quite well, she tells almost nothing.

It is breaking our hearts. I am 19 years old, her father is 20 and My daughter is a year and 8 months. For the first year of her life I her mother would have her during the weekdays, then on the weekends both my daughter and I would spend the night at her father house her father and I have not been together since we found out I was pregnant and he cheated.

It worked since him and I could still get along. Then I followed my dreams and went to college miles away from him. I love living in the country and my daughter does too.

But it made it hard to establish custody and visitation. I have primary custody and made it very clear that I believe that a child needs both mother and father in their life.

If I try to get her to lay down she squirms and bites and flings herself around until she escapes the bed and takes off running.

And it makes me sad to see her so distressed.

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